The Low-Information Voter Manifesto

In honor of the newest voting block seen in these United States, it stands to reason that they should create their very own Manifesto:

We hereby state, as the intentionally low-information voting block:

A) We do not believe that Barack Obama is the legitimate President of the United States. He is a secret Muslim, working on an agenda that only he knows.

B) Donald Trump, although flawed as a candidate, is someone worthy of the highest office. He is a secret Man of the People.

C) We believe Justice Anthony Scalia was somehow mysteriously murdered.

D) We don’t believe in Polling Data

E) We don’t believe in Scientific Data.

F) We don’t believe in Data, analysis, or statistics of any kind. Except that which Fox News or Bill O’Reilly happens to mention on any given night.

G) We are not a fan of facts.

H) We are not history buffs.

I) We like Reality TV shows.

J) We like Reality TV stars that run for President.

K) We believe the Supreme Court is fixed.

L) Walls are good. Wall Street is bad; Congress is bad; Free trade is bad. Someone powerful needs to fix it. We don’t really care how they do it.

M) We don’t believe in bigots or Black Lives Matter or racial injustice or discrimination of any kind. Unless it’s discrimination directed at the white working class or Christianity in general.

N) Liberals are idiots. The main-stream media lies. The Press is evil. Climate change is a hoax. Scientists are idiots.

O) All Politicians Lie. But Hillary is the worst liar of all.

P) The unemployment rate in reality is somewhere between 10 and 25%.

Q) The Economy is in horrible shape and our borders are being overrun by Mexicans.

R) Common Core, whatever that is, is horrifically bad.

S) We believe in States Rights; that Lincoln was a sniveling coward, and Slavery had nothing to do with the Civil War.

T) Don’t believe anything you read. Don’t believe anything on television that is not on Fox News. Don’t believe in anything a Professor or graduate of Harvard University says.

U) The Moon Landing was a hoax, and aliens have landed somewhere.

V) Dr. Strangelove was not a comedy. Jews control Hollywood, but it’s okay to like the ones that live in Israel.

***Did I miss something? Here it is, the platform for the new Donald Trump-ified version of the Reform Party, once known as the Grand Old Party. Read it and weep. No, really, read it and then weep. Loudly.

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